Cassette 2: Anxiety, Stomach/Transcript
This is the official transcript for the episode which can also be accessed for free at'' patreon.com/withinthewires'' Welcome to cassette two on your journey to understanding. To being understood. To relaxation and total body freedom. In this cassette we will explore inside you. Indeed, we are always exploring you. You are here to be explored. And to explore. It is not dangerous. No one needs to get badly hurt. Listen to the things I say, for they are crucial to your freedom. Remember what you learn, for what you learn is a path. Comprehend your instructions for they shall guide you truly. Listen to this cassette in your own assigned room. Close the door. You do not need to think about redress sirens and who is being sent the Extensive Studies Lab, or what is being done there. This cassette is about calm. Lie down on your bed. Make sure you are alone in your room. And now we will begin Cassette Two, Side A: Calming Anxiety # # # Close your eyes. Breathe in. Feel the air enter your chest. Feel your stomach atop your other organs, which are atop your spine, which is parallel to the ground. Keep your eyes closed but open another eye, an eye inside your mind and outside your body. Let yourself see what you have not seen before. Let yourself think what you have not thought before. Breathe out. Keep your eyes closed. Keep the eye that is your mind open. The eye that is your mind is outside your body. It floats above your head seeing what you cannot see. It sees you, too. It looks at your face. Feel the prickle in your forehead as your skin recognises that it is being observed. Feel the eye upon your belly. Feel the pulses in your gut, your veins vibrant highways around and away from your stomach. Breathe into your stomach, your gut. Feel the skin bristle at the intrusion. Feel the gentle press of someone’s fingers upon your abdomen, but do not open your eyes. You are alone. Say aloud: My body is alone. My body is alone. The fingers press and retreat, your skin constricting and relaxing. Feel your blood slow. Smell the fading musk of your cooling skin. Your stomach being softly caressed. This is not to calm your body but to digitally observe it. There’s no reason why we can’t have both pleasure and understanding. The Institute is interested in your physical well-being. You completely safe here. Say aloud: My body is safe. My body is safe. Let the eye that is your mind linger on your face, ignoring the face of the one who stands above you. There is no one else standing near you. Linger on the slant of your eyebrows, of the brown of your eyes, of the width of your nose. On the scar on your chin, the long, thin scar. The scar is your childhood. It is the skip in your feet and the joy in your heart as you ran, the shock in your mind and the pain behind your eyes as you fell. The scar is your body reminding you it has always been there. You were careless then. You were free. What an entertaining word: “free.” Say aloud the word “free.” Inhale. Say it again. Exhale as you say it. pause You felt free and safe - you thought you could run forever without harm, you thought you could sing out loud, you thought you could fly, just about. And so you ran, as fast as you could. You ran for sheer joy. You ran through trees and past fences and over streams. Your body letting you know that it would always be there with you. And then you tripped and fell and the world of freedom through which you had been running ceased to exist. And blood pooled upon the ground, reminding you that your body would not always be there with you. If that is how you got that scar, if you even have a scar there, I do not know, how would I know, I am just a voice on a cassette. On a standard issue relaxation cassette. Inhale. Feel the air flow through your chest, through your stomach and your intestine. Feel it wash over your liver, your kidneys, and your spleen. Feel it caress your appendix. The air you inhale seeps through the spaces between your organs, it trickles along your bones. It fills you up until you are more air than person, rising from the ground, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly rising. You are above The Institute now, and you can see it as a whole being, as an arc of interconnected white rectangles, a boxy crescent moon. Inside there are rooms and corridors and wardens and Security Teams. Inside there is you and… …and no, no one else. You cannot see anyone else. You can only feel them. High up, you only see the building. And the path that leads away from it, into the forest, heading to the South. You see the forest, dark and dense. You see the river, a scar running from the mountains in the east toward a harbor to the southwest. And still, you rise. You see the edges of the forest. You see fields, speckled with tiny dots. Cows. Horses. From this height it does not matter. You can see the grey smudge of a city in the distance. There are people in the city, but from this distance individual humans are merely abstract concepts, like cells. At the edges of the land, at the edges of the world, you can see the ocean. Now exhale. Exhale and let the air that leaves you take with it the toxins in your lungs, your organs. The damp, warm air leaves your mouth in a dull hiss. You are in a strange place, a new place, you are anxious. Let the air that leaves you take with it the anxious bubbles that have been crowding your stomach. Let it leave you calm. The air you exhale rises above you and pushes you down. You are like a leaf falling from a tree - falling softly, falling gently, slowly spiraling down, down, down, down. You can no longer see the ocean, or the smudge that was the city. You watch the fields for as long as you can, until they, too, are gone. The mountains that a moment ago seemed so small, rise above you - but just for a moment, before they are hidden by the trees. You see The Institute grow larger below you. It’s angular kidney shape showing shingles and billowing exhaust stacks. You wonder what is burning. But that is the wrong question. The roof dissolves at your touch and you float back into your room. And still the air is leaving your body. It pushes you to the ground and the floor dissipates at your touch. You sink through concrete and stone until you find soft, loamy earth. You see ants burrowing along tunnels. You see worms pushing along, through the earth. Through you. Inhale. Exhale. With each breath you rise (ocean) and fall (soil), rise (mountains) and fall (insects). With each breath you relax a little more. Unfurl each muscle. Are you holding tension in your shoulders? Let it go. Are you holding tension in your calves? Breathe, and let it go. Are you holding tension in your toes? Relax and let it go. Once more. In. And Out. Open your eyes. You are alone. Your room is empty. Do not close the eye that is in your mind. Never close the eye that is in your mind. You will need that eye. You have completed your breathing exercise. Before continuing to side B, please note down the degree to which each of your muscles is now relaxed and report this number to your Security Nurse. END OF SIDE A # # # Cassette Two, Side B - Turn the stomach Close your eyes. Breathe In. Out. In, through your nose, in until there is no more room, in until you are completely full of air. Out, through your mouth, out until your body strains, out until there is not a gasp or gap left in you. Breathe In. Out. Keep your eyes closed. Open only the eye that is your mind. See yourself, alone, in your assigned room. But see that another eye is looking now from high in the top corner of the room. It sees in black and white. It records everything. It does not blink. It does not sleep. Watch the eye watching you. It watches you in many places, in many times. The eye watches you in an earlier time, a different place. In a cobbled square, as you sat having coffee? Or having tea? This detail is unimportant to the eye. It was probably important to you at the time. The eye sees you were young, full of energy, that you could have been dancing and shouting, but you were not. There were books open in front of you, and you were reading them. You were writing down what you read. You were still. You were mostly still. It was your right foot that gave you away. The eye sees the rest of your body, focused on studying, while your foot tapped and fidgeted, wandered off on its own adventures, running through fields, dancing down pathways. The eye watches from a distance, from a time. It watches you in black and white, but it knows who you are. It sees the dark cloud of your hair, it sees your shoulders, linen clad and slight. It sees that you were curious, and that you saw no reason why your curiosity might not be answered. It has always watched you like this. It still does. You feel fingers pressing against your abdomen now. Your eyes remain closed. It watches as you looked up from you books, for a moment. You looked up from your books for what was supposed to be just a moment. It would have been just one small moment, but… But you saw something. Someone. The eye sees that you saw someone. The eye is curious. The eye wants to know why you are looking at this someone. She was slightly older than you, she was twenty, at least. You saw the dark cloud of her hair, and her shoulders, bare and strong. You had seen her here before, but you had never talked to her. Had you? Had you ever talked to her? Had you talked to her every day, once upon a time, before you were ten? You feel fingers press into your stomach, you feel your heart beating in your gut. You don’t remember anything before you were ten. No one remembers anything before they were ten. You cannot remember her. Could not. Cannot. Should not. Do not. You did remember her, but you were unsure where from, only that she shared the slant of your eyebrows, the brown of your eyes, the width of your nose. She was like you, but also, not like you. You wanted to talk to her. The eye sees and suspects. You wanted to talk to her. You would talk to her. You will talk to her, and the eye is curious. The eye wants to know why. The eye wants to know how. Breathe in. And out. You are in the place you are now. The eye in the corner of the room that is not the eye in your mind watches you here, now, as you listen to my voice. Allow the eye that is in your mind see what the eye in the corner of the room sees. It sees you. It sees that your eyes are closed. It sees you breathing. It sees gloved fingers feeling about your belly. It sees you are alone. It sees the distance between you and the safety-barred window, it sees your thin clothing and your cheap slippers. Indoor slippers. Slippers that are suitable for the rooms and corridors of The Institute. Slippers that would not be suitable for paths, for forest, for rivers or roads. Listen. Pay attention to what the eye does not see. Remember: It does not see the space under the chair, the top of the shelf, the door. It cannot see what you might be keeping under the chair or on top of the shelf. It cannot see who may come in or go out through the door, within 4 feet of it. Comprehend. The eye is not alone. The eye is connected. The eye is connected by electrodes and pulses. Its vision it’s connected to signals that run up and down wires. It is not the only eye. It is part of a community, part of a network, part of a sprawling web. There are others. There are many others. Centrally connected. Each room has one camera. One eye. Each room has one eye. One eye that observes the room. One eye that observes as much of the room as it can. It cannot observe the whole room. Each corridor has two cameras. Two eyes. Each length corridor has two eyes. Two eyes that are high, at the ends. Too high to see detail. Too high to see a person’s face. They see figures. They see uniforms. They see Security Nurses, they see patients, they see coats and smocks. The eyes are not perfect. They see what they see, they record everything. Like all eyes, they can be avoided. They can be fooled. But they are everywhere. One camera in the room you are in. Two cameras in the corridor outside it. Five doors down, you remember? You comprehend? One camera in the next room. Two cameras in the next corridor. One big door with one camera. Listen. Remember. Comprehend. Open the eye that is in your mind and see everything. Breathe. Are you still breathing? We got away from the breathing. Breathe. This is key. If you stop breathing, it is difficult to do other things. Visualisation exercise complete. Open your eyes. You are alone. No one is touching your stomach. Remember the exercises, practise the techniques, remind yourself of the visualisation exercises. There was a hallway in one of the visualisation exercises. Do you remember which door you entered, in the visualisation exercise? These exercises are for your own progression. There is no need to discuss what you hear on these cassettes to your Unit-mates or Security Nurse. You have completed cassette two toward relaxation, understanding and Total-Self. Please fill out the cassette two questionnaire. The answers are B, C, D, D, D, A, C, A. Cassette three will commence once bloodwork is approved by your Security Nurse. END SIDE B Category:Transcripts